Thoroughly Un-Amazing

The_Amazing_Spiderman_2_poster(Warning: Spoilers for The Amazing Spider-Man 2. However, I don’t recommend you waste time watching it anyway.)

Audience Tomatometer is 69%. IMDB rating is 7.1. User Metacritic score is 7.0. I was already raising eyebrows before friends said they enjoyed it. My jaw dropped when someone who shall remain unnamed said that Garfield and Stone was a better couple than Maguire and Dunst. So, so wrong.

To be fair, critics were harsher. Critic Tomatometer is 53% and critic Meta is also 53. That’s still way to high for this turd of a movie.

Granted, there’s so many super hero movies coming out now that it’s getting tiresome. Even non-supers-in-tights films like Lucy (criminal marketing), Edge of Tomorrow (likewise) and Divergent (another YA cha-ching attempt) can pretty much be classified as “hero movies”. Maybe I should have seen The Fault in Our Stars instead. Too bad that it’s now the kind of movie I’d catch streaming since seeing a drama in a big theatre adds nothing to the experience.

Anyway, back to Spidey. Garfield was terrible in the first, and he’s terrible again here. His acting is wooden, and it’s excruciating when he goes all teen angst on us. He’s Peter Parker, he’s supposed to be so smart he created the webshooters. He needs Gwen Stacy, not exactly the brightest bulb in the chandelier, to give him a scientific solution to defeat Electro?

Speaking of Electro… keep getting them checks Jamie Foxx. The combination of the paper-thin throwaway villain to give DeHaan time to build up the Goblin plus Foxx’s visit to the acting post office was borderline offensive. It’s been nine years since Ray and Collateral. Was 2005 a total fluke Jaime?

maguiredunstkissBut by FAR the worst offender in this film was Emma Stone. She’s supposed to be one of Hollywood’s current “IT” girls, but in this movie she was a hood ornament. Garfield did her no favors, but she was half of a completely heatless pairing. In two films they have yet to generate a spark to rival the first three seconds of the iconic kiss in the rain delivered by Maguire and Dunst. The ending was almost a relief. You kind of wished that the Goblin would have offed Garfield as well so we wouldn’t be threatened by a third installment of this awful reboot.

Come back Sam Raimi. Marc Webb is being thoroughly un-amazing with the web-crawler. Stop him before he makes another stinkbomb.

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